Edward's Birthday Present
by LoveJohnMayer
Summary: Edward is excited when he recieves a birthday present from Jasper; it's something he's always wanted. But problems arise. Humourous, not to be taken seriously! Please review. Oneshot.


**Authors Note: This is just for fun. This fanfic is not to be taken seriously!**

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'You're kidding!'

I grabbed Jasper and took him into a crushing hug; usually something Emmett delivers to those unfortunate enough to receive one.

'I knew you wanted one… it's no big deal.'

Jasper turned red and returned to Alice's side. 'Happy birthday Ed,' he added.

I flashed a dazzling smile to the rest of the room.

'This is, by far, the best present I have ever received,' I said excitedly. I dug into the box of the 'Mr. PingPong 1000' Ping Pong table and fished out the instructions on how to set the table up.

'Could you help me with this?' I beckoned to Jasper and Carlisle. 'And where is Emmett?'

'He's out hunting with Rose,' Esme replied, giving Carlisle a quick kiss on the cheek before heading towards the door.

'I want to play you when you've set it up,' she chuckled to herself before she left the room.

Both Jasper and Carlisle were half-way through setting up the table before I even had time to blink (not that I needed to!).

_This is really something, _Jasper thought. In five seconds flat, Jasper and Carlisle had managed to set up the new ping pong table and whip out the two playing rackets.

_Wanna play bro?_

I didn't even have to answer. Carlisle handed me his racket and I turned to Jasper. 'You're on!'

I looked at Jasper and waited expectantly.

'Dude,' I said, looking at his hands. 'Where's the ball?'

Jasper shrugged and looked towards the box.

'Did you take it out of the box Carlisle?' I asked, turning towards my father who was leaning against the wall.

_Sorry Edward, I haven't seen it._

Jasper threw the box across the room to indicate that he hadn't located the ball. I was starting to get really pissed off.

'Jasper, what the fuck did you do with the fucking ball?'

'I haven't fucking touched it you jackass!'

I searched Jasper's thoughts but found nothing. He had not seen the ball at all; he didn't think that there was one in the box.

'What do we do now?' Carlisle asked, plastering a worried expression across his face.

_Esme's going to be heartbroken, _he thought. _She really wanted to play ping pong._

I gave Carlisle a comforting look and told him I'd figure it out.

'How about we call the manufacturer? Jasper asked, gliding across the room to pick up the discarded box. 'They'll send us a new one, it'll be fine.'

I sighed and nodded my head softly. 'I guess.'

I was disappointed. Ping-Pong was the only thing that I hadn't tried since becoming a vampire; it was the last thing on my list of _Things to Do Before I Turn 564 _that I had to complete.

I sat in the corner of the room and placed my head in my hands.

_What if the manufacturer won't send us a ping pong ball? _I heard Carlisle think. He started pacing the room as Jasper punched the number of the company into his cell phone. He put the phone up to his ear and waited for an answer.

'Hello?' answered a distant voice on the other end of the phone.

'Hi, my name is Jasper Hale,' Jasper began. 'I just purchased a "Mr. PingPong 1000" table last week and my family and I have set it up but we have found out that there is no ping-pong ball with the table.'

'Please hold,' said the distant voice. Jasper let out an impatient sigh and looked across the room at me.

_Poor Edward, _he thought. _This must be breaking his heart._

Classical music had started playing at the other end of the phone. After what seemed like an hour, a voice finally started talking to Jasper again.

'I'm sorry Mr. Hale but the "Mr. PingPong 1000 Edition" does not come with a ping-pong ball.'

Jasper cursed into the phone.

'What do you mean?' he demanded.

'You must purchase the ping-pong ball separately sir. It's all explained on the box.'

'That's complete and utter shit,' Jasper babbled. 'Who the fuck makes a ping-pong table and not put a ball in with it?'

'I'm sorry sir, that's just the way it is. Thank you for your enquire. Goodbye.'

The phone line went dead.

'Bitch,' Jasper muttered and forced his phone back into his jeans pocket.

'We could play with a tennis ball,' Carlisle suggested, turning his head towards me.

'That's too big to play ping-pong with,' I replied. Tears began to stream down my face. 'All I wanted to do was play ping-pong for my birthday,' I snivelled, wiping my face with my cotton jumper.

_I'm really sorry Edward._

'It's not your fault Jazz.'

I pulled myself together and heaved myself off of the floor.

'My birthday is now, officially over,' I whispered, walking quietly out of the room, avoiding the pitiful gazes Jasper and Carlisle were throwing my way. Everyone of my thoughts had turned negative.

_Happy freaking birthday Edward._

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**Review please :)**


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